I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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