i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
