i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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