Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
