I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
