You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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