I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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