i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
