Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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