i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
