i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
