In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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