We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
