"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
