Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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