he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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