I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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