sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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