I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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