It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
