Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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