found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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