tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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