I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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