when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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