The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize