I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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