No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
