I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm at about main and main street
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You left your phone here
Wait...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
