Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
