he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
