i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
