It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
