and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
