I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize