How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
