like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
