when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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