dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
