youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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