6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
