Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
