Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
