Swine flu. Run for my life!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize