All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
