I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize