Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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