It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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