If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
