did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
