Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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