My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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