listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize