wat bout pragnant strippers??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
