Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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