I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
