woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
