White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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