garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
