I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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