yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize