Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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