I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
