well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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