Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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