i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm sobbing to NWA
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
