If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
