I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
