I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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